Honest Ed owes me 40 cents

No, make that 30 cents and a 2 kilo bag of sugar. But if I actually get to meet him at his 93rd birthday party next year, I’m willing to forget the whole thing and call it even.

I’m out fetching mid morning coffees in the Annex for me and my friend Jeff when I see the lineup outside Honest Ed’s http://honesteds.sites.toronto.com. My first thought is…free turkeys! Then I see a few people walking around with festive Happy 92nd Birthday, Honest Ed! t-shirts. Of course! It’s Ed’s big birthday bash. I join the lineup. Jeff will have to wait for his coffee. I’m crashing Ed’s party.

Door crashing, as it turns out. I imagine the lineup will lead me to Honest Ed himself, serving up slabs of birthday cake shaped like a giant frosted Elvis bust. All of us are well behaved as we move through the line in an orderly fashion, winding up and around the store. But suddenly, the crowd starts to disperse. What’s going on?

It seems that the lineup is for today’s door crasher – 10 cent sugar bags. All are gone by the time I reach Ladies’ Wear. I look around. No lineup. No Ed. No frosted Elvis bust cake. And no 10 cent sugar.

I settle for other sundries, including a pair of 92 cent flip flops, a 92 cent bar of goat milk soap (my favourite), and a couple of Stewart’s vanilla cream sodas for me and Jeff. Jeff’s worth a buck eighty eight, I reason, as I select a set of six highball glasses that I know he’ll love because they were strikingly similar to the ones out of which we drank red wine the night before. He commented on their handsome design.

“Where’s the party?” I ask one of the festively t-shirted employees. “What party?” she answers, and disappears behind a wall of 92 cent shampoo. So I start to make my way toward the checkout, and on the way, I pick up a bag of five sesame seed bagels advertised for 10 cents. The cashier charges me 50 cents for the bagels and preempts my objection by announcing that “they’re 10 cents EACH”. Clearly she’s had this conversation before.

28 dollars later, I leave the store having paid 40 cents more for the bagels than initially bargained for, and no sugar, but a complimentary copy of the Sunday Sun. I’ve been going through Sudoku withdrawal, and the hit of three in today’s paper is just what I need to make the world right again.

From what I understand, a rockin’ bash unfolded later in the day, with free food and family fun for all. I’m sorry I missed it! I look forward to next year’s event where I’ll be sure to pick up some 93 cent provisions.

Happy 92nd Birthday, Honest Ed Mirvish…Toronto loves you!

6 Comments so far

  1. Abbas Halai (unregistered) on July 25th, 2006 @ 6:19 pm

    i was travelling with a companion once over to the US border who didn’t have a passport, only a drivers license. the border guard asks the fellow, how do i know you’re a canadian? my buddy replies in the unknown affirmative. the guard follows up with the question, “name all the provinces?” so my buddy starts listing them off.

    next up, the guard obviously not convinced, asks him where he grew up. my buddy replies toronto. almost immediately, the guard asks “so what intersection is honest ed’s at?” and he replies bloor and bathhurst and onwards we go off into the united states of america. and that is why you are great to the city of toronto mr. mirvish.

  2. arv (unregistered) on July 25th, 2006 @ 8:58 pm

    Abbas, that is such a great story! I had to think for the answer to that one for a second.

    Ed looked fantastic on the telly. Is there no one in the city who does not know this great man.

  3. Stephen (unregistered) on July 25th, 2006 @ 11:40 pm

    Unfortunately Abbas I would have failed that one…

    Incognita – that store is so odd. Sometimes it has great bargains and at other times the prices are low but I wonder who buys this stuff… yet I have never gone when it was crowded and prob. only have been in there twice maybe?

  4. misstraceynolan (unregistered) on July 26th, 2006 @ 4:27 pm

    Incognita – next year come with me! I promise you a free hot dog and an introduction to someone in the (extended) family!

  5. Stephen (unregistered) on July 26th, 2006 @ 4:43 pm

    No fair! I want a hot dog too! (as long as I can add some Portugese/Congolese Pili Pili sauce on it) …mmmmm!

  6. incognita (unregistered) on July 26th, 2006 @ 4:52 pm

    Thanks Miss Tracey! Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse. It’s in my calendar. Stephen, if it’s okay with Miss Tracey then yes you can come along – but what you put on your hot dog is your business…

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